Okay, I hope you’re sitting down for this one. This whole Vegan Affliction or Syndrome or whatever has taken a new turn. I wasn’t sure if the news I got was real, so I had to do my own firsthand research. It turns out that the people afflicted with the Vegan CAN eat meat! It’s just some kind of mental thing. They’re not allergic or anything!
I can’t even begin. This is really messed up! Oh, jeez. I think I’m going to be sick.
So, I can’t tell you the number of times I talk to these here crackpots with no life who get off just being knuckleheads on the world wide web. Just today I had some guy (or gal. Gals can be just as terrible, you know) going on and on in a chat about how he knows where Izzy is, then finally says, “In your [butt].” I mean, come on. Grow up!
So, anyone who heard that Izzy Lyon manager Shecky Steinbergenstein had died of a fatal heart attack is receiving bad information. Shecky did suffer his 8th heart attack yesterday morning, and yes, that is bad. However, his condition was elevated to “still alive” by the doctors. Shecky has had a long history of self-harm in the form of his diet which consists primarily of sugar packets and Country Crock, often mixed.
The doctors say that he should make a full recovery, but stress that he needs to switch to sugar substitutes. However, Shecky is leery of putting chemicals into his body. Also, doctors stress that Shecky needs to reduce his stress levels (Oh jeez, now I’m adding more stress!) and needs to spend at least ten minutes a week exercising.
Not going to lie, so soon after the news about Iris, this has me freaking out! You know these things happen in threes! Shape up, Shecky. We need you!
Okay, so, it turns out that Iris died nearly 7 years ago. So, you know. We lost a good one.
So, Iris Glopolous, a huge Izzy Lyon fan, and the previous face of the Des Moines chapter of the Izzy Lyon Fan Club turned 70 years young today! I haven’t spoken to her in years, but she is a great gal. We were kind of rivals when we first met decades ago on account of our competing fan clubs. But we put our petty differences aside and became almost friends. Izzy wouldn’t want people fighting over him! Again, Happy Birthday. You’ll outlive us all, Iris!
Just thought I’d toot my own horn and announce the crossing of a big milestone in the search for the one and only Izzy Lyon. Bum Bum B-Bum Bum Bum Buuuuuum!
I officially ran out of thumbtacks I use for mapping out Izzy sightings on my map! Now I know I said that I was going to try going more high-tech computerized and all, but there’s just something so satisfying about shoving a thumbtack through that map that makes my heart race, you know. So, the pack says it had 50 thumbtacks, but after counting the ones on the map I realized that only about half made it up there. I must have used the other ones on some other (not as important) project. But I don’t think it takes away from the occasion. I’m off to the dollar store for a new box!
So, this is going to be a weird post. I was privy to a few minutes of footage from the upcoming (don’t know when, but later than now) documentary Izzy Lyon: The Unspun Truth. (And yes, I found out that when you type it it’s supposed to be italicized, instead of underlined like when you write it with a pen and paper!) Now, here’s the thing with secret footage, you can’t talk about it! About particulars anyway. The suits in control made me and the others sign documents and everything. But they said I could give my opinion and all, just not really any details, you know.
Okay, so here goes. It was amazing! I’m in it! Can you believe it? Not to get too headswollen, but it was weird and cool. And it’s all about Izzy. I cannot wait for this thing to be everywhere. I need a new car so I can go to the drive-in. So great! Go Izzy!
Hash Tag: IzzyLyonDocumentaryisGoingtobeGreat!
Okay, so the movie Izzy Lyon: The Unspun Truth is finally out! And I’ve watched it…about a gajillion times! (I’m exaggerating, of course. T...
