Izzy Movie is Out!:

Okay, so the movie Izzy Lyon: The Unspun Truth is finally out! And I’ve watched it…about a gajillion times! (I’m exaggerating, of course. There aren’t enough hours in the day to watch it that many times.) But I have watched it a few times and I’m still kind of in shock how much time I’m on the screen. I saw it once at Brenda’s and she’s got one of those “big” screens and it was weird seeing my face so much larger than life!

I’m still going over the whole thing in my brain, but I’ll be back in a few with a more in-the-depths interview. Go check it out:

It will blow your mother-loving mind!

Izzy Movie Trailer:

Okay, so, I’m trying real hard not to let this go to my head, but they released the trailer for the Izzy Lyon movie, which I’m in! I wasn’t sure I was photogenic enough for Hollywood types, turns out I am.

I’m so excited. Here’s a link where you can watch it for yourself!

Tips for Izzy Halloween Costumes:

Not everyone has the time and money to put into a really good Izzy Lyon Costume, so I thought I’d go over some of the basics:

1. Hair. Izzy’s trademark high-top fade is essential.
2. Sunglasses. Izzy almost always wore sunglasses, when you’re always in the spotlight, your eyes get sensitive, you know.
3. A sign to spin, duh.

Those are the bare minimum. In terms of clothing, Izzy was always super stylish, so just keep that in mind. Also, if you can’t spin very well, it’s probably better just to hold your sign. Izzy never drops!

Recipe Disclaimer:

Okay, so I guess I need to put out a disclaimer on my raccoon recipe, even though I figured that it was common sense.

Do NOT eat raccoon (or any other animal) that you find dead in the road. It is not safe for lots of reasons. Even if you hit it with your own car, it still might be bad because of how the inners contaminate the meat from the impact. Just don’t do it!

We(I) are the Champions, my Friend!

So, when the annals of Izzy Lyon Lore are written, I’m pretty sure that this will be a nice side note. Big thanks to everyone at the VFW for hosting the event, especially Joyce, who took charge. And before you ask, YES, “Craig” showed up! Give the guy credit, he didn’t go full-on weasel.

About 9pm, I sat on a bar stool and was blindfolded. There was a bit of laughing, so I assume that some inappropriate things were going on with these immature chuckleheads, but I didn’t react at all. All business!

So, remember that it was best out of 7. I only needed to get 4 right, aaaaand, boom! I nailed it in 5! But just because I wanted to see it through all the way, I asked to keep going. I only missed one of the 7. It was a tricky one, I mistakenly said that a Swords (real name Tom) Thunder spin was Izzy (but remember, he was a huge Izzy guy and tried to emulate him, so not really that surprising.)

Anyway, they hoisted me up on the stool and paraded me around the bar, Money exchanged hands, drinks were toasted, and it was a great night. Craig was even gracious in the end, and there’s talk about doing this on an annual basis! 

Recipe and Date Set for Showdown:

So, two things in this posting.

One, A bunch of you asked about how I cook my raccoons, so I thought I’d share my recipe. Now, this is not the only way to cook raccoons. They are a really versatile animal and can be made a hundred ways. This is just the way I did it a few weeks ago when I got a hankering.

Ingredients

1 Meat from one raccoon (Make sure you remove the fat and the untasty musk glands but keep the meat on the bones. It should be cut into handleable pieces.)

1 tsp salt

1 tsp black pepper

1 cup all-purpose flour

2 eggs

½ cup buttermilk

1 cup breadcrumbs

Frying oil of your choice. (I use Wesson)

 

Season the meat with half of the salt and pepper. Heat oil in your deep fryer. (My friend, Gina has an “Air” fryer, so if you’re one of those, it’s going to be different.) Get 2 bowls. In one beat the eggs with the buttermilk. In the other, mix the flour, breadcrumbs, and the rest of the salt and pepper. Dredge the meat back and forth between the egg mixture and flour mixture a few times until it’s well coated. Place the coated raccoon meat into the fryer and cook until it’s done. (You may have to flip them depending on how big your pot is.) Place on a paper towel before serving for the grease drippings.

Now, I’ve been doing this a long time, so I can just tell when it’s done. You’re not me. Make sure you use a meat thermometer if you are sensitive to bacteria and illnesses. It’s not worth getting sick over a tasty trash panda!

So, you can eat your raccoon with anything, but I made some French fries (Already had the oil going!) and some barbequed baked beans. And of course, some Heinz ketchup for the meat and fries. So good.

 

Okay, so, second news: the date has been set for the Izzy Lyon Sign-Spinning Sounds Challenge. One Friday from next, whether or not Craig shows up!

Backtracking Weasel:

Okay, so “Craig” now claims to have a business trip that he needs to go on for the next few weeks, so I guess the contest is going to have to wait. Not sure if he’s just scared or this is some kind of psychological tactic to throw me off my game. Regardless, I’m ready. The selections for spinning sounds have been made, and Mark put together a white board chart for everyone’s bets. Hopefully, this is just a bump in my road to victory!

Training Montage:

So, the date still has not been set and, as far as I know, the sign-spinning sound selections have not been set in stone. But that doesn’t mean that I’m taking a holiday. I’m getting ready for the challenge! Normally, movies have training montages (it’s like a slideshow in the movie with snippets of working out and running up stairs), but how do you train for something like this?

I’ve been trying to spend at least an hour a day listening to Izzy Lyon spinning videos. Let me tell you something, it’s hard! Do you know what it’s like to try to keep your eyes closed knowing that Izzy is there in all his glory? It’s like smelling a delicious raccoon on the grill and not getting to taste it. But I got to keep my eye on the prize.

Now, I’m hungry for grilled raccoon. Heading to the chest freezer!

Izzy Spin Sound Challenge Parameters have been Set:

Okay, so you know how I was challenged by “Craig” that I couldn’t tell Izzy Lyon’s signature sign spinning sound? Well, after a bunch of wheeling and dealing at the VFW, the rules have been decided.

Rules

1. I am to be blindfolded so as not to receive any outside signals from anyone.
2. Dave is in charge of playing the selected sounds on his phone.
3. The selections will be acapella spinning sound only, no music.
4. Anyone who wants to can submit sound choices but…
5. Joyce will approve the sound list (She is the arbiter and not betting).
6. Best of 7 rounds wins.

This just got real real!

Izzy Spin Sound Challenge:

So, here’s a new one that I’ll bet no one ever thought you’d see. I was down at the VFW (My current watering hole of choice) and I’m chatting with Joyce and some new jamoke named Craig starts getting in on the conversation. Joyce told me later that he was just eyeballing me for a cheap roll in the hay. I don’t think so!

Anyway, the topic of this “blog” comes up and he starts nosing around it and got to that post from a month ago about that Izzy dream. He starts laughing. I’m like, dude, what’s your defect? He starts reading it aloud for the bar, but he’s the only one laughing. It pays to drink with people with a little common sense like this crowd. Anyway, he gets to the part where I mention the sound of Izzy spinning and he actually questions whether or not I could identify the sound of Izzy spinning as opposed to another sign spinner. I plop a Hamilton in front of him and say, “You want to bet, smart guy?”

Next thing I know, moneys flying around the bar with everyone taking sides. So, now it’s serious! We’re supposed to meet in a few weeks to hammer out the details of the challenge, but I’m confident I got this!

Weird Izzy Nightmare Dream:

So, I wanted to share a weird dream I had about Izzy Lyon last night. No, not that kind of dream, pervs! This was just weird and I’m not sure what it means.

Okay, so I’m in the middle of a big room and it’s pitch black. Not sure how I know it’s a room when it’s pitch black, but it’s a dream so who knows. Suddenly, I hear this swishing sound and I’ve watched (listened) to enough Izzy Lyon spinning videos to recognize it as the sound of Izzy Lyon spinning a sign. Then suddenly the lights start going on one at a time. It’s those terrible fluorescent tubes, you know? And they sort of flicker to life. Then, a big spotlight goes on and Izzy is there! He’s on a stage spinning a sign beneath some big machine. I start walking towards him and I notice that his ankles are tied to the floor. And then I realize what’s happening. Izzy is a prisoner and they’re using him to power all the lights! Oh jeez! I woke up drenched in sweat.

What a terrible fate that would be. Just picturing those big old wind turbine mills makes me shiver now. Okay, so I know it was just a dream, but still!

Daylight Savings Scam:

It’s that time of year again and I keep hearing people complaining about the whole “Spring Ahead” thing. It’s not real. Don’t fall for it. You’re not really losing any time and you’re definitely not time-travelling into the future. It’s just on the clocks. Don’t believe me? Don’t adjust your watch and see what happens…nothing! Everything’s the same.

Just make sure you’re not always an hour late, though. Because some people believe it’s real. Ugh!

Cocovod Recipe:

Okay, so I guess I didn’t realize that cocovod was a regional thing. Lot’s of people are asking me what it is and simply put: it’s the best way I know to chase away the winter chill. Essentially, cocovod is a hot chocolate drink with a bit of a kick.

Here’s my Aunty Bonnie’s recipe for cocovod (the one I use):

 

Ingredients

¾ cup of Whole Milk

3 tsp of Sugar

3 tsp of Unsweetened Cocoa Powder

½ tsp of Vanilla Extract

¼ cup of Vodka

Heat milk, vanilla, cocoa powder, and sugar in a small saucepan, forever stirring. Make it as hot as you like, as long as the cocoa powder and sugar are dissolved, you’re fine. Don’t make it too hot or you’ll burn your tongue. Pour into a mug and add vodka.

Enjoy.

Note: I can’t find my tablespoon in case you’re wondering!

Stay Home with Frozen Izzy:

Anyone who knows me knows that I am an avid outdoorsman. So it may come as a shock to people that when I’m in the middle of winter, I don’t mind staying home and cozying up to a good book. And no, this is not just a blatant way of promoting my own book. It’s been out-of-print since my comb-binder broke a few years back. No, I’m talking about my Izzy scrapbook. I’m sure you have one too. But when’s the last time you took it out and enjoyed it?

It's time.

Make a fire. Heat up some cocovod and just relax and skim through the pages. What’s weird is that Izzy can do it all. He can make your heart race AND be a great comfort. Izzy Lyon is a person so frequently associated with movement, but to see him frozen in a photo in your scrapbook, ahhhh, bliss.

A chilly morning toast to Izzy!

Possible Florida Izzy Sighting Part 5:

So, it’s been a while, but if you look back at previously posted posts, you’ll see that there were some shady dealings with a guy named Greg. A guy it turns out that I foolishly trusted. He spun me a tale about a friend and Izzy info, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker!

Not only did I send this joker a pile of hard-earned dough-ray-me, but I can’t tell you the amount of sleep I lost worrying about this supposed victim of a huckster! He was the huckster all along!

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, we won’t get fooled again!

Yeah, it’s embarrassing admitting all this, but if it helps someone else avoid getting scammed like me, then it is worth it.

Now, for the good news!

Turns out that Greg the scamtoad scammed the wrong folks and now is in jail! That’s right. The system sometimes works! Even better, he has to pay back all of the money he stole from people including yours truly. Big shout-outs going out to Detective Fakerson for getting to the bottom of all this. As soon as I get my bank routing info to him, I’m going to get back all my money plus something called punitive damages. Legal mumbo jumbo aside, it’s nice to know that good things can happen!

Help for Vegans:

So, I got a message from a concerned citizen regarding her daughter coming back from college for Thanksgiving and not wanting to eat meat. Yep! You got it! She had a case of the Vegans! What are they teaching these kids in school? (Should be teaching about Izzy Lyon, but that’s another story.) Anyway, her daughter refused to eat anything with meat (or even dairy! Jeez!) so she just sat there eating cranberry sauce. Talk about not being thankful.

So, now we’ve got another round of holidays coming up and this concerned citizen is really worried about her kid not getting any nutrition. She said she barely recognized her because she lost ten pounds (and was wearing black eyeliner, but again, another story to tackle that one!) Anyway, it got me thinking, how does one (the concerned citizen) go about getting her daughter to eat something healthy and it hit me: trickery! So, I went to the store and did a little shopping and came home and made this:

Just looks like some carrots, right? Guess what? They’re actually hot dogs with the stems of carrots jammed into them! Look closely and you’ll see. Pretty darned good if you ask me. Make sure you throw the actual carrots away to hide the evidence!

 “So, here you go, Vegan Megan, how about some empty carrots for dinner?”

 “Sure, mom.”

Ha! Got her! Now you can cook these bad boys up, cover them in venison chili, wrap them in bacon, what have you. And she’ll never know that she got some nutritious hot doggy goodness in her belly! Of course, my guess is that she’ll feel so good that she’ll demand more of these “carrots” at every meal. Only you’ll know they’re healthy hot dogs!

Conspiracy Mixed Nuts:

I met a kook who thinks everything is a conspiracy theory and started talking to him about Izzy Lyon. His name was W. That’s it. Just the letter W. He said that the moon landing was faked and so how do we know that they didn’t just fake Izzy. I told him that I didn’t even know what that meant. He asked me for some change and if I had any cigarettes before he got on a bus toward midtown.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. Ugh! I don’t need anymore crazy in my life!

Izzy Unaware He’s Missing?:

Okay, so here’s what could be the scariest thought you’re going to hear this month (and it’s Halloween time, you know!) A guy named Red with 2 D’s I met at the KFC says that Izzy might not know he’s missing! Yeah!

He said that he could have fallen from this helicopter flight and (although his high-top fade may have saved his life) he could have gotten one of those concussions and has no memory. Light a candle under my butt and spread me a diamond ring, that’s weird! Right? Could you imagine going through the last few decades not knowing that you’re Izzy Lyon, the world’s greatest sign-spinner? That would suck deez!

Hash tag: RememberYou’reIzzyIzzy!

Shocking News about Vegans!

Okay, I hope you’re sitting down for this one. This whole Vegan Affliction or Syndrome or whatever has taken a new turn. I wasn’t sure if the news I got was real, so I had to do my own firsthand research. It turns out that the people afflicted with the Vegan CAN eat meat! It’s just some kind of mental thing. They’re not allergic or anything!

I can’t even begin. This is really messed up! Oh, jeez. I think I’m going to be sick.

People Need to Be Nice:

So, I can’t tell you the number of times I talk to these here crackpots with no life who get off just being knuckleheads on the world wide web. Just today I had some guy (or gal. Gals can be just as terrible, you know) going on and on in a chat about how he knows where Izzy is, then finally says, “In your [butt].” I mean, come on. Grow up!