Chasing Wild Geese:

I don’t like to talk about the wild goose chases I sometimes go on because some knucklehead thinks it’s funny to torture people, but maybe this will help Izzy Lyon fans avoid getting sucked into a dumb prank by jerks with too much time on their hands.

So, these types of scumballs usually start the same way, with a message on the Facebook or an email claiming to be Izzy Lyon and wanting to admit to being on the run from the government or maybe the mafia. In this case, this creepo claimed to be Izzy Lyon on the run from over a hundred single mothers of Izzy’s illegitimate children. Oh yeah, that’s plausible. Then they said that all of these mothers named their kids “Izzy” and I thought whoa, that is what they would do. Okay, yeah, I know, I’m an idiot for thinking it, but for the briefest moment my guard went down. But, I had one more trick up my sleeve. I asked them the name of Izzy’s number one fan…and…they knew it was me! Holy crow! Okay, this is getting weird, but I would totally kick myself if I didn’t give every lead their due diligence, you know. They (I’m using the “they” here because creepos can be girls too. We can do anything) had me go into my backyard and look for weeds near my back fence. Now, I’m freaking out. Anyone who knows me knows not to trespass without permission on my property unless you want to risk a kneecapping, you know.

Long story short, I end up digging up every weed in my yard, and there were plenty. But nothing of note, except for a few old, buried bones, was found. Finally, I’m lying un the grass, exhausted, filthy, and this toad-face says, “Have you checked for Izzy up your butt?”

Really?

Wow. So now I get to add embarrassed and humiliated to my list of adjectives. So what’s the lesson? Get better questions! Make sure people are who they say they are. Now, I know, part of this is just that I was in a vulnerable state of mind and so want to find Izzy, but jeez. Hopefully this lesson is going to finally sink in. Positive note: My lawn looks great!

Hash tag: Makesureit’sreallyIzzy