Possible Florida Izzy Sighting Part 5:

So, it’s been a while, but if you look back at previously posted posts, you’ll see that there were some shady dealings with a guy named Greg. A guy it turns out that I foolishly trusted. He spun me a tale about a friend and Izzy info, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker!

Not only did I send this joker a pile of hard-earned dough-ray-me, but I can’t tell you the amount of sleep I lost worrying about this supposed victim of a huckster! He was the huckster all along!

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, we won’t get fooled again!

Yeah, it’s embarrassing admitting all this, but if it helps someone else avoid getting scammed like me, then it is worth it.

Now, for the good news!

Turns out that Greg the scamtoad scammed the wrong folks and now is in jail! That’s right. The system sometimes works! Even better, he has to pay back all of the money he stole from people including yours truly. Big shout-outs going out to Detective Fakerson for getting to the bottom of all this. As soon as I get my bank routing info to him, I’m going to get back all my money plus something called punitive damages. Legal mumbo jumbo aside, it’s nice to know that good things can happen!

Help for Vegans:

So, I got a message from a concerned citizen regarding her daughter coming back from college for Thanksgiving and not wanting to eat meat. Yep! You got it! She had a case of the Vegans! What are they teaching these kids in school? (Should be teaching about Izzy Lyon, but that’s another story.) Anyway, her daughter refused to eat anything with meat (or even dairy! Jeez!) so she just sat there eating cranberry sauce. Talk about not being thankful.

So, now we’ve got another round of holidays coming up and this concerned citizen is really worried about her kid not getting any nutrition. She said she barely recognized her because she lost ten pounds (and was wearing black eyeliner, but again, another story to tackle that one!) Anyway, it got me thinking, how does one (the concerned citizen) go about getting her daughter to eat something healthy and it hit me: trickery! So, I went to the store and did a little shopping and came home and made this:

Just looks like some carrots, right? Guess what? They’re actually hot dogs with the stems of carrots jammed into them! Look closely and you’ll see. Pretty darned good if you ask me. Make sure you throw the actual carrots away to hide the evidence!

 “So, here you go, Vegan Megan, how about some empty carrots for dinner?”

 “Sure, mom.”

Ha! Got her! Now you can cook these bad boys up, cover them in venison chili, wrap them in bacon, what have you. And she’ll never know that she got some nutritious hot doggy goodness in her belly! Of course, my guess is that she’ll feel so good that she’ll demand more of these “carrots” at every meal. Only you’ll know they’re healthy hot dogs!

Conspiracy Mixed Nuts:

I met a kook who thinks everything is a conspiracy theory and started talking to him about Izzy Lyon. His name was W. That’s it. Just the letter W. He said that the moon landing was faked and so how do we know that they didn’t just fake Izzy. I told him that I didn’t even know what that meant. He asked me for some change and if I had any cigarettes before he got on a bus toward midtown.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. Ugh! I don’t need anymore crazy in my life!

Izzy Unaware He’s Missing?:

Okay, so here’s what could be the scariest thought you’re going to hear this month (and it’s Halloween time, you know!) A guy named Red with 2 D’s I met at the KFC says that Izzy might not know he’s missing! Yeah!

He said that he could have fallen from this helicopter flight and (although his high-top fade may have saved his life) he could have gotten one of those concussions and has no memory. Light a candle under my butt and spread me a diamond ring, that’s weird! Right? Could you imagine going through the last few decades not knowing that you’re Izzy Lyon, the world’s greatest sign-spinner? That would suck deez!

Hash tag: RememberYou’reIzzyIzzy!

Shocking News about Vegans!

Okay, I hope you’re sitting down for this one. This whole Vegan Affliction or Syndrome or whatever has taken a new turn. I wasn’t sure if the news I got was real, so I had to do my own firsthand research. It turns out that the people afflicted with the Vegan CAN eat meat! It’s just some kind of mental thing. They’re not allergic or anything!

I can’t even begin. This is really messed up! Oh, jeez. I think I’m going to be sick.

People Need to Be Nice:

So, I can’t tell you the number of times I talk to these here crackpots with no life who get off just being knuckleheads on the world wide web. Just today I had some guy (or gal. Gals can be just as terrible, you know) going on and on in a chat about how he knows where Izzy is, then finally says, “In your [butt].” I mean, come on. Grow up!

Shecky Update:

So, anyone who heard that Izzy Lyon manager Shecky Steinbergenstein had died of a fatal heart attack is receiving bad information. Shecky did suffer his 8^th heart attack yesterday morning, and yes, that is bad. However, his condition was elevated to “still alive” by the doctors. Shecky has had a long history of self-harm in the form of his diet which consists primarily of sugar packets and Country Crock, often mixed.

The doctors say that he should make a full recovery, but stress that he needs to switch to sugar substitutes. However, Shecky is leery of putting chemicals into his body. Also, doctors stress that Shecky needs to reduce his stress levels (Oh jeez, now I’m adding more stress!) and needs to spend at least ten minutes a week exercising.

Not going to lie, so soon after the news about Iris, this has me freaking out! You know these things happen in threes! Shape up, Shecky. We need you!