Okay, so remember how Greg was in the hospital after he got hit by a car after he was chasing his so-called friend who has info on Izzy and stole his (our) money? Well, something really fishy is going on! I called the hospital he was at, to make sure he got my care package, and they said they had no one by that name there! What the H-E-CK is going on? Greg hasn’t responded to me since the last time we spoke, and I’m really worried about the guy!
HASH TAG WhereGreggy?
Okay, so, as a tenured prof at the Spinstitution for Signery Arts that is teaching a new crop of kids how to do a proper Izzy search, I was thinking about those sniffing bloodhounds that can track criminals. When I was just a little scrapper, I thought that these dogs were trained to sniff out bad guys. Like shooters and robbers gave off some kind of badness smell. I know it sounds goofy, but I was just a kid!
So, now I know that you actually need a piece of clothing or something from the perp and the dogs sniff for that. So, it got me thinking. What would be the signature Izzy Lyon smells that dogs might get trained to track?
I came up with a few:
1.
Izzy hair products. As everyone knows, Izzy had a lot
of pride in his beautiful hightop fade. It was only natural that he released
his own line of styling products from The Helicopter Ultimate Lift Hair Spray
to the Izzy Spritz Foam. We know that Izzy was a man of integrity and would not
endorse a product he didn’t believe in, so it just makes sense that he would
smell like it.
2.
New car smell. Izzy loved the smell of new cars. The
only problem I see with this one is that the bloodhounds might just run to car
dealerships.
3.
Meat. Izzy’s partnership with Meatshire Farm is the
stuff of Legend. He turned his passion for encased cured meats into an
opportunity to introduce kielbasa and thuringer to kids from outside the meat
belt. The added benefit of this is that the dogs would go nuts for sausages and
probably run twice as fast.
I was out at the VFW for race night. (It’s a weird thing where you bet on fake horse races, and they roll dice and stuff. I don’t know. It’s a good change from Bunko, but whatever.) Joyce and I where talking about the Vegans again and Chuck and Dave brought up a point that totally went by my brain the first time I was puzzling out the whole vegan affliction…What do they do with they’re meat when they’re hunting?!?!?!?
Is your brain buzzing and crackling too? Yeah, I know. This ain’t like catch-and-realize fishing where you throw the fish back into the creek let me tell you. You don’t just unshoot a doe and send it back into the woods! I guess they could still mount the head and antlers (and whole body if you got room in your house). But what about all that meat? Do they just leave it there to rot? What a waste!
I tell you what, if I ever came down with the vegan disease, I might just give up hunting! Food for thought.
Some jamoke sent me this picture suggesting that Izzy is dead. This for the shortest amount of seconds made my skin crawl cold, but look at the dates! This is some other Izzy! Not our beloved Izzy Lyon! Once again, it pays to notice the little details.
HASH TAG Izzy Lives!
So, I was reading over some messages from folks about ways
to change (not improve, mind you, my just shot venison deer stew. You can’t
improve on perfection!) and I saw more than one mention of “vegan” versions of the
dish. I wasn’t sure what that was but my friend Joyce who tends bar at the VFW told
me all about this. And I’m not going to tell lies. It kind of blew my little
mind to bits. Apparently, there is a segment of the population in the U S of A
that have this eating disorder where they can’t eat meat! O, M, G. Where to
begin? Can you imagine a lifetime of eating nothing but side dishes? Imagine
looking at that empty space on your plate every time you sit down to a meal. My
heart bleeds for these folks something fierce. I’m going to have to pick Joyce’s
brain some more, cause, let me tell you, I was so discombobulated (spellcheck
said this was right) that I ended up throwing down way more glasses of Schlitz
than I normally do, and I might have missed some details. Bottom line: Veganism
is real. Vegan Just Shot Deer Stew is not. I need to close the light and take a
lie down for a while!
My nephew Stew is on a roll! He sent some more pictures of Izzy in disguise. This time with a full beard.
So, we spend a lot of time in the Izzy Searching Community discussing how Izzy could disguise himself in plain sight. So anyway, I was at a family potluck and was saying that Izzy might not be able to bring himself to change his signature high-top fade because that would be like cutting off your left arm. (Full disclosure: I had an uncle who cut off his pinky toe to dodge the draft. Just saying, it happens.) So, a week later I get an electronic mail from my nephew, Stew, who it turns out is kind of a Photoshop genius or something. Because he put together a bunch of images with Izzy wearing different facial hair disguises.
Let’s go through them:
Okay, so the movie Izzy Lyon: The Unspun Truth is finally out! And I’ve watched it…about a gajillion times! (I’m exaggerating, of course. T...
